Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “Avengers: Infinity War”

From left-to-right: Benedict Cumberbatch, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, and Benedict Wong gaze at the impending end in Avengers: Infinity War.

The end is near. After ten years of interwoven stories reaching far across different realms and galaxies, bringing heroes together in the best consistent string of blockbusters of the 2010s, and an assortment of MacGuffins that audiences either want to know more about or have had enough of, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has finally reached the climax of its current form. Movie theaters across the country have finally been given the opportunity to screen Avengers: Infinity War to the public, quenching the thirst of millions of fans across the world. Whether you like these movies or not, there is no denying that the arrival of this movie carries a huge weight on its shoulders after setting up one of the most anticipated villains in recent memory.

Josh Brolin examines the site of battle and decimation in Avengers: Infinity War.

Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives in the form of intergalactic warlord Thanos (Josh Brolin), who has finally gotten off his chair to hunt down the Infinity Stones, the most powerful artifacts in the universe. When he gathers all six in his Infinity Gauntlet, he can wipe out half the universe’s population with a snap of his fingers, and the only thing capable of stopping him is the combined might of the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy, but will they be enough to save the universe?

Chris Evans will embark on a new path in Avengers: Infinity War.

There’s not really a lot to say about the story without giving away major spoilers, but I’ll try to point out a couple things anyway. When this movie was first announced, it was called Avengers: Infinity War-Part I, with Part II scheduled for release a year from now. While the subtitles were dropped and the fourth Avengers film has yet to receive an official title, this film does feel like the first part of a climactic chapter, not unlike the two-film adaptations of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay. Having said that, this film does still have a clear beginning, middle, and ending, and there is never a moment when I felt like the story was dragging on. And with many memorable action scenes that take place in New York, Wakanda, and even Thanos’s homeworld Titan, there’s always something new this movie can throw at you, both in terms of narrative surprises and whatever Thanos can muster with the power of the Infinity Stones.

Josh Brolin promises the Moon and delivers more in Avengers: Infinity War.

The cast is also so star-studded that it’s hard to pick out a single scene stealer, especially when most of these actors have had significant roles in previous Marvel movies. However, the one actor who absolutely needed to show up today was Josh Brolin, and he elevates this movie to the upper echelon of the MCU. Marvel has always had a problem with its villains, but Brolin’s Thanos runs the gauntlet of sadistic and sympathetic, despite being a creation of motion-capture and CGI. Marvel spent ten years building castles and cities in their sandbox, and now with the arrival of Thanos they can go nuts with what they do with it in one pivotal movie. He has more screentime than any other character in this movie, and probably most other villains in the MCU. If this performance didn’t work, the entire MCU would’ve crumbled within its foundation of action and humor.

From left-to-right: Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., Dave Bautista, Chris Pratt, and Pom Klementiff prepare for battle in Avengers: Infinity War.

And despite all the dramatic weight that comes with the fate of the actual universe being at stake, Marvel has not lost sight of its roots in action and comedy. Fun isn’t something one considers when imbalancing the universe, but the wit in this film will put a smile on your face for awhile. The interactions between the characters never fail to bring much-needed levity to the story, but it still hits you over the head with the darkness of the impending doom. The resulting tone is perfectly balanced, as all things should be. Again, the power of the Infinity Stones allows for some of the best action the MCU has to offer, especially during the attack on Titan. It keeps you on your toes for the things you know are coming with constant tension, as well as a few dramatic surprises scattered throughout to keep you guessing. It’s a lot to take in, but they do a pretty good job explaining it in a way that casual fans can understand it, though it never talks down to the intelligence of the die-hard MCU or Marvel Comics fans. As far as Marvel films go, this is one for the ages.

Chris Hemsworth wonders where the hell he is in Avengers: Infinity War.

Though it’s a lot to absorb on a first viewing, Avengers: Infinity War is entertaining enough to warrant repeat viewings thanks to stellar action and humor, as well as a great villain and a story worth telling. As the beginning of the end of the MCU, and the last movie I will review for this site, it is worthy of all the build-up as it begins delivering the payoff. I hope you remember it.

Rating: GO

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “I Feel Pretty”

Amy Schumer (Trainwreck) feels restrained in I Feel Pretty.

Have you ever been in a situation where you run into someone that you already can’t stand being around because of how loud and obnoxious they are? Someone who drags out every joke longer than it needs to be instead of treating it like a hit-and-run? And no, I’m not going to drag this out any longer because then I’d be just like Amy Schumer, whom I have never been a fan of for reasons detailed above. I’m sure her standup is fine. After all, I’ve never been a fan of Kevin Hart in movies, but then I watched his standup routine a few weeks ago and he was actually funny. But when standup comedians are given scripts like I Feel Pretty, you either get what you expected or the exact opposite, and I don’t think it matters who you are in this case.

We have no idea what Amy Schumer sees in herself in I Feel Pretty.

Do I need to repeat who the star is? No? Well, I’m gonna do that anyway. Amy Schumer stars as Renee, a woman who has severe self-confidence issues because, to be honest, she’s not that bad looking. She’s not a supermodel chick or anything like that, but she’s still fine. That is until an accident during an exercise class that drastically alters her self-confidence and she sees herself as a total babe. Okay, insert angry comments about how shallow the movie is here, but it’s actually not that bad. She goes out for a new job, gets a boyfriend, blows off her old friends for new friends, and that’s the part where you can guess exactly where this is going.

Rory Scovel and Amy Schumer try to get through a dinner scene in I Feel Pretty.

The story kinda sucks, with an emphasis on the word “kinda”, and I’ll come back to that later. The plot beats are about as predictable as can be, and I’ll bet that just by reading the premise I wrote above you can already figure out the entire plot right now. The comedy, for the most part, is also nothing special. It’s certainly a lot funnier than I thought it’d be, and far funnier than anything I’ve seen Schumer in to date, but it’s still just as loud and obnoxious as ever. People always shout the jokes on set as if they’re in a sold-out auditorium and they want to make sure the people in the back can hear them, but a movie set is not a theatre. The boom mic is right above you, so you don’t need to shout!

Amy Schumer doesn’t care what you think of her in I Feel Pretty.

Remember when I said I’d get back to the “kinda” part? Well here it is, and guess what doesn’t suck about this movie? Believe it or not, Amy Schumer. On a dramatic level, she actually nails the characteristics of self-esteem issues, even when the script blows everything way out of proportion. But occasionally they both come together for some touching scenes where Renee might be aware that she’s not super hot, but still has this hyped-up confidence in herself that she wouldn’t care. It’s those moments that contribute to a positive message that the film is trying to convey. She even gets the funniest jokes. I’m not going to pretend you’ll remember any of them two weeks after the fact, but you’ll certainly enjoy yourself a little bit while watching, which is more than I can say for every other Amy Schumer movie.

Amy Schumer waits for the final verdict in I Feel Pretty.

Overall, I Feel Pretty showcases a surprisingly good lead performance and a few good laughs, but the story and the obnoxious script really drag everything down so that the end result is just decent. You may enjoy it while you’re watching it, but that feeling won’t last forever.

Rating: SLOW DOWN

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “Rampage”

A giant gorilla wreaks havoc in Rampage.

When you’re writing a screenplay, never stop at the first draft. Even when you make it to the end of the script and write “THE END” at the bottom of the last page, any sensible screenwriter will go back through the whole thing and edit everything that needs to be fixed. Maybe there’s a scene that needs to be added to establish a relationship between two characters, or a shot that needs to be cut for additional suspense. Regardless, the first draft is never the final draft, and any filmmaker who opts to film the first draft of the screenplay should watch Rampage and see first-hand why this, like corporate scientists playing God and leaping ahead in genetic engineering, is a bad idea.

Naomie Harris (Moonlight) and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson (Moana) fight a giant gorilla in Rampage.

The film starts off in a bad first draft of Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Fast Five as Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson plays a primatologist charged with caring for an albino gorilla named George, who very appropriately gives us a giant CGI middle finger in his first scene, an accurate sign of things to come. After we’re subjected to a bad first draft of Gravity, George is infected by a plot device known as Project: Rampage, which does literally nothing to him except make him bigger. But when the same plot device infects a wolf and an alligator (so keep your Crocodile Hunter first draft jokes to yourself!), it gives them wings and spikes and all sorts of other enhancements. As the three mutated animals go out of control in a bad first draft of Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Man of Steel, the Rock must team up with Naomie Harris and turn this movie into a bad first draft of Skyfall to bring down the killer animals.

A giant alligator is in Chicago in Rampage, but that’s not the strangest thing the city sees in real life.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, ’cause the movie doesn’t wanna spice it up at all. This is the worst movie of the year. And the script that’s obviously a bad first draft of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (though is that movie really gonna be much better?) isn’t the only thing wrong with it. I’ve heard from people that this is supposed to be a dumb action movie that you watch to have fun, and that’d be alright if I actually had fun. But this movie is not fun, and a large part of that is because there’s no color. George is an albino gorilla, meaning the complete absence of all color, but that is a clever way to distinguish him from the rest of the dull carnage that goes on throughout the rest of the movie. The wolf and the alligator are both very dark shades of brown, gray, and black. Place them in the middle of a crumbling smoke-filled Chicago that lives up to its nickname by blowing ash and dust everywhere, and the result is a palette that may as well be the bad first draft of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Of course the wolf flies in Rampage, but why doesn’t the gorilla have any cool abilities?

And it’s not like nobody’s trying to make this a watchable movie, as I imagine this was a fun set to work on. The Rock is charming as usual, and I hear he is passionate about the arcade game this movie is based on, but it’s not his fault he was given a lazy script to work with. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Walking Dead) is also hamming it up the entire time, but his lines suggest he’s in a bad first draft of any John Wayne movie from the 1950s. Malin Åkerman (Watchmen) and Jake Lacy (Carol) play villains who contribute absolutely nothing to the story, but they’re having a blast while on set. In fact, I think those characters should’ve spent their resources making mutant cat videos instead of weapons of mass destruction, because that would at least be an hour and-a-half shorter and a hundred times more entertaining than the movie I just watched. But this all proves that there was a fun movie in there somewhere that just needed a few more rewrites and maybe a crazier VFX supervisor to add some color to everything. If they went through the trouble to give the wolf wings and porcupine spikes, they could’ve at least made it purple and pink too.

The Rock is dismayed by what he bears witness to in Rampage.

I’d like to say that the actors actually do make this movie fun, but the lines they’re forced to recite by the director of Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore don’t do them any favors, nor do the lifeless monster fights leading up to an even bigger CGI middle finger make the slower parts worth sitting through. If my hands were as large as they want me to believe George’s are, I’d gladly return the favor.

Rating: STOP

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “A Quiet Place”

Millicent Simmonds (Wonderstruck) and Emily Blunt (Edge of Tomorrow) fear what we don’t see in A Quiet Place.

One of the first things any aspiring filmmaker should learn is “show, don’t tell.” Film, being a visual medium, relies heavily on this adage to tell the most compelling stories possible. The only types of films that don’t do this are bad films and horror films, and they are not mutually exclusive. Horror films like Jaws and Alien build tension by showing the audience very little of the monster so that when you do see any amount of it, it’s that much scarier. The same can be said for what you hear in a horror movie. The quieter the atmosphere, the more jarred and terrified your audience will be when the right sound pops up out of nowhere. This is where A Quiet Place finds both its strengths and its weaknesses, so how does it balance out?

Noah Jupe thinks that car will protect him in A Quiet Place.

Set in a not-to-distant post-apocalyptic future, the film focuses on a nuclear family trying to live as normally as they can. The only real downside is they can’t speak, or even make any noise at all, lest they attract the attention of these super creepy blind monsters that have super hearing abilities. Oh, and they rip people to shreds. As far as plots go, it’s a pretty basic horror flick, but in the best ways.

John Krasinski (Detroit) hushes the audience in A Quiet Place.

The first half is a slow burn, but it takes its time to set up the rules of this world, the characters that inhabit it, and the danger posed to everyone. I’ll admit though that there were a few scenes that had no real purpose. For example, there’s a scene where the father (John Krasinski, who also directs) and son (Noah Jupe) return from a fishing trip and find an old man. If you’ve seen any of the TV spots for this movie, you already know what the old man does, but my gripe is that the scene has no set up prior, nor does it set up anything to come. The first half of Alien is also a slow burn before we see the adult Xenomorph killing space truckers, but every scene segued into the next one or set up some important plot point that came up later. Not all of the early scenes in A Quiet Place do that, but you can tell John Krasinski did his homework on how to build tension. And of course once the monsters invade in the second half, all that built-up tension is released so uncomfortably well.

Millicent Simmonds hears nothing and sees everything in A Quiet Place.

The sound mixing is fantastic here, and not just in building tension, though that part alone makes this movie worth watching. Krasinski very wisely removes all sound from the cut whenever the camera is on a close-up of the daughter (Millicent Simmonds), giving you an insight into the life of a deaf child. This is made even more unsettling when you remember it’s a horror movie and she’d never realize if the monster was right behind her. I will say, though, that the mere presence of a score is what brings this movie down. I wouldn’t mind so much if the score was used to set a mood like in Jaws, or if it was just a memorable score that was seamless with the ambient sounds like in last year’s sound editing/mixing Oscar-winner Dunkirk. but in this movie that’s what the absence of sound is supposed to do. The less you hear, the more unnerved you are when you finally do hear something.

Emily Blunt effortlessly navigates her way through A Quiet Place.

Also of note is that the entire cast, while not turning in anything special, does manage to come across as likable without ever saying a word, instead communicating almost exclusively through sign language. Of particular note is the mother (Emily Blunt), who tries so hard throughout the entire movie to treat her children as if everything is normal because the situation they’re in is the normal now, and she fears it will be that way for the rest of their lives. One scene in particular captures that mentality, when she jokingly laments about her son having to take care of her when she’s “old and grey”. They all understand the world they inhabit and they all put themselves in that world without ever making a sound, and that alone deserves some sort of recognition.

John Krasinski and Noah Jupe escape the jaws of the monster (for now) in A Quiet Place.

So while there are a few small things that keep A Quiet Place from being a great horror film, it’s still one of the best horror films of the decade thanks to its mastery of sound mixing and charisma from its actors. It’s a slow burn at first, but the second half is more than worth sitting in a quiet theater at midnight.

Rating: GO

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “Blockers”

From left-to-right: Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz, and                      try to figure everything out in Blockers.

When you’re advertising your movie, there are a few important things to think about. Trailers are a great 2-3 minute snippet of what’s to come, but they often fall victim to criticism for releasing too much information. Early screenings at film festivals and fan events can spark positive word of mouth, but then you run the risk of letting unpredictable Internet trolls give everything away. Not to mention if your movie sucks, then you’ve just shot yourself in the foot. But the most effective way to engage someone who otherwise wouldn’t care is with a memorable logo. If you look at the logos for films like Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters, and The Godfather, that one still image tells you just enough to give you a good idea of what the film is about without giving away major spoilers. But this also has its drawbacks, as you can have logos that are just bland and give no impression of what kind of film you’re paying money to see, and then you have the logo Blockers which is just weird. I mean, a rooster? We never even see any chickens in the movie, not even fried chicken!

From left-to-right: Gideon Adlon, Kathryn Newton, and Geraldine Viswanathan have the time of their lives in Blockers.

Okay, so the logo is misleading. But what’s the movie actually about? Well, after three high school girls (Kathryn Newton, Geraldine Viswanathan, Gideon Adlon) make a sex pact and their parents (Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz,                     ) find out in a rather confusing way, the parents decide they are out to stop their daughters from losing their virginities on prom night. Again, the way they find out is rather confusing. It’s eventually made obvious to them when they find a hashtag, but before that we have to sit through about three minutes of the parents attempting to decipher what eggplant and cherry emojis mean, and even then their meanings are never made clear to us. Maybe I’m the wrong person to ask because I only ever use the human face emojis, and sometimes the animals, but I have no idea what it means. The movie assumes that everyone knows, just like it assumes we all like gross-out sex and drug and alcohol and puke jokes. Guess what? We don’t! Or at least I don’t.

                     faces his enemy in Blockers.

Actually, there are a few funny moments in the movie.                      plays one of the dads, and he gets all the best laughs. You try to see this giant hulking behemoth as a friend to these other people whom he dwarfs. An actor                      is not, but it is part of the job of pro-wrestling, and he certainly has the comedic chops to rival Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. My favorite joke of his might be near the end of the movie, and he doesn’t even say a word.                      barges into a room looking for his daughter, and what he finds is only onscreen for about two seconds, but I dare not tell you what that is. The rest of the cast gets a couple laughs, but again, everyone assumes you’re in on the joke. And even if you are, they assume you’re going to find every joke funny. If you do, great, more power to you, but I’m not in on this. I just think                      is consistently the best and funniest part of lame comedies.

From left-to-right: Ike Barinholtz,                     , and Leslie Mann swerve in another direction in Blockers.

Okay, for everything I’m currently saying, you must think I hate this movie, right? Well, no. I just don’t think it’s terribly funny, with a few exceptions. It’s just kinda there, and that’s how the movie treats itself. Its emotional moments are all lampooned by jokes, but none of the jokes are particularly offensive. They’re just not funny, at least not to me. People seem to be responding okay to this movie, so maybe you’ll like it more than I did. But I will still never understand the significance of the rooster sitting ontop of the logo for a movie about parents trying to cock block their daughters’ prom dates! Wait…

Rating: SLOW DOWN

March Movie Madness 2018: Best Picture Oscar-Winning Films – THE WINNER

All good things must come to an end, and it’s been a fun journey hosting this tournament for you guys. We did see a number of unexpected turns. Titans fell, underdogs rose to the challenge, and even at the very end the results kind of surprised me, though I guess some of them shouldn’t have. Looking back, there are a number of films (A Man for All Seasons, Oliver!, The King’s Speech) that I wish could’ve participated just to see how you all would respond to them, and then there are a few (remember Gandhi?) that I probably should’ve put in a higher seed because of unprecedented response to them. But in the end, we started with sixty-four Best Picture winners, and only one of them could come out on top. That winner is…

The Godfather, Francis Ford Coppola’s original crime epic from 1972. Starring Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, and a whole slew of big-name actors from the day, this is often revered as one of the greatest films of all time. Despite younger generations craving action and adventure a la The Lord of the Rings, they still find appreciation for the classics, and this tournament has been proof of that.

Did you enjoy this tournament? If so, maybe I’ll do another one next year, but obviously with a different topic. Until next time…

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “Ready Player One”

The Iron Giant looms over Parzival (Tye Sheridan) and Sho (Philip Zhao) in Ready Player One.

As a culture, we seem to have a fondness for returning to previous decades. Whether it’s jazz covers of modern pop songs by Postmodern Jukebox or internet reviewers like the Nostalgia Critic, we always want to go backwards and return to the good old days. Our movies are no different, and you can criticize some of Hollywood’s decisions to remake classics like Ghostbusters and It, but sometimes filmmakers have the right idea on how to transport audiences back thirty years without a time machine. Infusing Guardians of the Galaxy with a classic pop soundtrack and literally everything in Stranger Things is pure genius, but even before that we got a book by Ernest Cline called Ready Player One. This novel not only told its own story that was reminiscent of others but with a modern twist, but was also filled to the brim with references to 80s and 90s pop culture. People from every fandom loved it, and with the current wave of nostalgia sweeping the world, it made sense that a movie was on the way. Throw in the obvious/not-so-obvious choice of Steven Spielberg (Jaws, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial) to direct, and what do you get?

Parzival receives a key from James Halliday’s avatar, Anorak, in Ready Player One.

Imagine if Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was set in a world similar to that of Inception and Minority Report, in that the primary setting of the story is a virtual world called the OASIS, where you can be and do just about anything you want. Set in the year 2045 in Columbus, Ohio, the story starts several years after the death of James Halliday (Mark Rylance), creator of the OASIS, when a young avatar named Parzival discovers a clue to finding Halliday’s Easter Egg, which would give the winner total control of the OASIS. Aiding the clanless knight on his journey are fellow avatars Art3mis (Olivia Cooke) and Aech (Lena Waithe), but they must be ready to face those who would kill them in the real world to acquire complete control over the OASIS and the world.

Tye Sheridan (The Tree of Life, X-Men: Apocalypse) and Olivia Cooke (Ouija, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl) prepare to enter the OASIS in Ready Player One.

To find the Easter Egg, you must find all of three keys, and if you’ve read the book like I have, forget everything you know about that because the keys are in completely different locations. Because of this, there are a lot of changes to the book’s plot that may upset some purists. But one of the great things about this movie is that despite all the changes, the story maintains the same essence of the book. For example, the Atari game Adventure is of great significance in both the book and the movie, but each for completely different reasons and each fitting within the themes of the story. Art3mis also takes on a crucial plot element that was attributed to Parzival in the book, but it works in the movie as it further develops her character, gives her more equal footing to Parzival, and further cements the themes of the movie. Changes like these actually improve on the source material, and I’m happy to say that most of the changes in this film are like that.

So many characters from other properties in Ready Player One.

It’s also a really fun movie, probably the most fun I’ve had at the movies since watching The Avengers on opening night, which makes sense because they were both written by screenwriter Zak Penn. Though I should note that this more family-friendly tone is a huge departure from the book, which is really dark and features a lot of harsh language and allusions to graphic imagery. The movie has its share of that too, but it’s done in a much more PG or PG-13 way. The action is high-energy and fast-paced, but it’s also an utter joy to see the DeLorean from Back to the Future fueling itself with Mario Kart coins while outrunning King Kong and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Being in the OASIS would be like playing a VR version of Kingdom Hearts, Marvel vs. Copcam, and Super Smash Bros. all at the same time while also having access to characters from Street Fighter, Overwatch, and HALO. I found myself geeking out a lot seeing characters from movies, TV shows, and even a few video games that I genuinely love, while also seeing a few more subtle references to other beloved properties (blink and you’ll miss the Terminator 2: Judgment Day reference).

Aech kills Freddy Krueger on Planet Doom in Ready Player One.

Having said that, not all of the references work. Okay, let me rephrase that. All of them fit in the story perfectly, but maybe some of them could’ve been a bit more subtle. The dialogue can be a bit on-the-nose at times, and while that often captures the blunt attitude that members of every fandom have, we don’t need to hear that kind of talk from everyone. The Sixers, the henchmen of IOI’s maniacal leader Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn), are portrayed as corporate drones in the OASIS, and there’s even a scene between Sorrento and Parzival that encapsulates this perfectly. So wouldn’t it be more fun if they had no idea what was attacking them on Planet Doom and no idea how to play an Atari 2600 without their support team in their ears all the time? Alan Silvestri (Predator, Forrest Gump) also composed the score, and it included a lot of themes from his previous works while not allowing the film to truly have its own score. While the music is all fun to listen to, I can’t help but think this is one string of references that should’ve been cut. In fact, I’ll tell you my favorite and least favorite references right now without giving anything away as far as context. My least favorite was the Child’s Play reference, a.k.a. Chucky. It was funny at first, but then it kinda lost its touch. My favorite one was the Alien joke, of course I will jump at any chance to see any iteration of the Xenomorph used in a PG-13 movie (Alien vs. Predator is not canon!).

Parzival raises an army in Ready Player One.

The OASIS is also very animated, sometimes for better or worse. The world-building is great, as are the looks of the worlds and the buildings. The vehicles also look fantastic, whether they’re from existing pop culture like the motorbike from Akira or a customized monster truck mod with buzzsaws in the front. The avatars, however, look kinda cartoonish. I know Parzival says in the opening that you can be a toon if you want to, but what about guys like Eddie Valiant who wouldn’t want to be toons and want to look realistic? They even show in the movie that you can make your avatar look realistic, so why not use that more in the movie and shave a little money off that $175 million budget? The film is only tracking for a $42 million opening weekend, so that probably would’ve been a smart choice. Now, none of them look terrible, in fact for the most part, they look fine. Except for Sorrento’s avatar, which looks quite terrible. Maybe it’s supposed to show his lack of imagination in contrast to the heroes, but this is one aspect where using the full potential of the actors to make the avatars look more realistic would’ve helped the film a lot.

I-R0k and Nolan Sorrento need to pull their avatars out of Ready Player One.

Most of the problems I’ve listed so far have their merits, and that’s what keeps this film afloat along with the fun of everything. I can see why a lot of these creative choices were made in translating this book to the screen. However, there is one thing about this movie that, no matter how you slice it, does not work. T.J. Miller (Big Hero 6, Deadpool) should not have been cast as I-R0k, and even later should’ve been cut from the movie. There are a number of problems associated with this, so I won’t go into detail about the sexual harassment scandal he was involved with recently. First, he’s really annoying, so much so that I wonder why Sorrento and anyone else would even bother working with him. Second, we never see his real face, so we never get any idea of how pathetic I-R0k is supposed to be. Third, his avatar could’ve been easily given to Zandor (Hannah John-Kamen) in order to consolidate the film a little more, and we actually would’ve gained more from the relationship between her and Sorrento. Fourth, even if you don’t merge I-R0k with Zandor, his character is changed so radically from the book that I can’t help but wonder how much better he would’ve been if they had just kept him as a troll who contributes nothing but insults. Fifth, his only purpose is annoying comedy in a movie that’s already overflowing with fun to begin with, so he was completely pointless. Shall I continue?

Tye Sheridan takes the first step towards his new quest in Ready Player One.

No, I’ll spare you of more rambling about T.J. Miller’s worst role since Transformers: Age of Extinction and just get to my final thoughts of the movie. While I personally would’ve handed this project to James Gunn or the Duffer Brothers, Steven Spielberg successfully returns to his roots with this love letter to pop culture that tells a good story, updates a good book to the screen, and is a lot of fun for all ages. There’s something in this movie for everyone, whether you’re a fan of the book, a hardcore cinephile, or just a casual moviegoer. Enter this world of pure imagination and see for yourself.

Rating: GO

March Movie Madness 2018: Best Picture Oscar-Winning Films – Final Round

The time has come, the day is near. We have reached the end of March. With it, the end of March Movie Madness. And with that, the end of this tournament. Only four films remain in play, the winners of each of the individual brackets we started out with on March 1. But now, there can only be one. So on Sunday, the final winner will be revealed, but until then, you must cast your vote to determine that winner. Here are the nominees for the best Best Picture winner of all time.

The winner of Bracket A was The Godfather, the first of Francis Ford Coppola’s acclaimed trilogy. Boasting an Oscar-winning performance from Marlon Brando as the titular character, Vito Corleone, the film is really about Vito’s son Michael (Al Pacino) as he walks the line between supporting his family of mafioso and becoming one himself. While the first film only won three Academy Awards, including Best Adapted Screenplay, The Godfather Part II (which also won Bracket D) was an awards juggernaut, taking home six Oscars as it chronicled Vito’s origins from Sicily and Michael’s rapid descent into darkness.

Bracket B was won by Casablanca, a rather interesting conundrum by Oscar standards. Not only did this film only win three Academy Awards, but it has an interesting slight with its year of release. While the film is so often credited as a 1942 release, it was actually the Best Picture winner of 1944, celebrating the best films of 1943. What this proves is that one of the greatest films of the early days of Hollywood was still a victim of the limited release system that plagues the rest of the world today. But hey, that was before studios used that to qualify for Oscars sooner rather than later, so this January 1943 release also proved that you don’t need an elaborate awards campaign to win Oscars (though it does help nowadays), rather you just need a great movie.

Finally, the winner of Bracket C was The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, the epic conclusion to Peter Jackson’s fantasy trilogy. While all three entries of this tale of elves, dwarfs, and men were nominated for Best Picture and took home a number of awards, The Return of the King holds the distinction of being one of three films to win eleven Academy Awards (the other two being Ben-Hur and Titanic), as well as the only of the three to have won every single Oscar it was nominated for. Because of its excellence in all elements of fantasy cinema, as well as film in general, it remains a game changer in Oscar history that even the most recent Best Picture winner cannot live up to.

And there you have it, the four finalists. This time the polls will close on Saturday at midnight, so don’t delay in voting. If you haven’t seen any of these movies, I encourage you to take a day and catch up on them. If you’re all caught up, click the link below and pick your favorite of the bunch.

Voting: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/SZFVLHN

March Movie Madness 2018: Best Picture Oscar-Winning Films – Semi-Final Round

We’ve reached that point in the tournament when most of the expected contenders have started to match up against each other. The underdogs have fallen against the behemoths, and we now have eight Best Pictures left. After this week, four of these films will move on to the final round, and only one of them will be crowned champion of March Movie Madness. The Godfather and its first sequel are both still in this race, and both will face their hardest adversaries yet in Titanic and The Silence of the Lambs. Meanwhile, Annie Hall famously beat an epic fantasy film for Best Picture in 1977, but can it repeat its success today against The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King? But I suppose the toughest match this round will be between Casablanca and Schindler’s List, and it’s not exactly a black-and-white match-up despite both films having little-to-no color. We’re going to lose some iconic films in this round, but this will be a true test as to how iconic they are compared to the present competition. Vote now and secure the future of your favorite film before it is left in the past!

Voting: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T3CPXB7

Stop, Go, or Slow Down: “Love, Simon”

Nick Robinson (Jurassic World) and Katherine Langford (13 Reasons Why) ponder over everything in Love, Simon.

I’ve been sitting on this review for awhile for a number of reasons. Firstly, I saw Love, Simon back in January when there was a strict review embargo prohibiting anyone from publishing a full review. But then even when the embargo was lifted, I kept getting distracted with a trip to Pensacola, free pancakes at IHOP, the March Movie Madness tournament (which is still going as of this posting), work, the Oscars, a number of doctor’s appointments, and other movies I’ve seen closer to their release dates like Thoroughbreds and Tomb Raider. And in addition to all these things, this is a hard movie to talk about. Not because of the subject matter, but because there’s barely anything to talk about. Well, my window for publishing this review is almost over, so let’s not waste anymore time and talk about Love, Simon.

From left-to-right: Jorge Lendeberg Jr., Nick Robinson, Alexandra Shipp, and Katherine Langford casually breeze through their lines and blocking in Love, Simon.

This is a pretty standard high school romance film set in the modern day, and it’s about a guy named Simon (Nick Robinson) who falls in love with an anonymous online user named “Blue”. The twist? Simon is gay, and so is Blue. Other than that, it’s just about everything you’d expect from an average Disney Channel movie with a slightly higher budget for better actors. And that’s really the strength of the movie. I’m not going to act like any of these actors will be nominated at the Academy Awards, but I believed they were all high school students, even though a couple of them are actually older than I am. I’m happy to say that there wasn’t a single bad performance in this movie.

Tony Hale (Arrested Development) elevates Love, Simon to the greatness the rest of the movie should’ve aspired to.

That doesn’t mean this movie doesn’t have any weird performances, and I will say the adults are the most entertaining part of it. Tony Hale plays the vice-principal, and he is hilariously over-the-top in this movie, but it does fit the character he’s going for as a failed attempt to be “hip” and “lit” and “in with it”, whatever any of those words actually mean. I also want to bring attention to Natasha Rothwell, an actress so obscure she doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, as the drama teacher. Also kinda over-the-top, but she was fierce and kinda awesome. I honestly wish there was a movie about these two faculty members trying (and failing) to run a high school with their differing approaches because they were the most interesting characters in the movie.

From left-to-right: Nick Robinson, Talitha Bateman, Jennifer Garner, and Josh Duhamel chill over nothing in Love, Simon.

But again, this is a pretty standard story. Everyone keeps acting like it’s this revolutionary coming-out movie, but we can’t really say that in a world where Moonlight won Best Picture. Maybe if the script was stronger, it would be. I do like that it’s not entirely focused on the oppression that many in the LGBT community face, but it’s also kinda bland in not having any conflict outside the romance, which is hard to make relatable when you don’t know who the other romantic partner is for 99% of the movie. So when there’s no conflict from either of the driving points of the movie, the script has to create new forms of conflict, and most of them aren’t interesting, especially this one kid’s attempt to blackmail Simon that lingers like a loaded gun on a fireplace mantle, only to be forgotten after firing a shot.

Nick Robinson doesn’t know what he’s doing in Love, Simon.

Wow, I guess there is something to say about a movie that feels empty inside. While it does have a personality, it’s a very weak personality, despite the cast trying their hardest to make it work. It’s not a bad movie by any means, but it’s nowhere near the icon that many are making it out to be. If it resonates with you, great, maybe I’m missing something. But for my money, I’m glad I didn’t pay to see this one.

Rating: SLOW DOWN